Who taught you?

Art created by Judith Parsons Art 2020

There is only one splinter of a memory of my father trying to teach us to dance. He was showing us the dance steps and foot work for the box step. I smile thinking of his attempt. My sisters and brothers waiting for a turn. 

The prevalent memory is my dad dancing with my mom. My mother would straighten her back when she was dancing with dad. She became a different person when she was dancing with dad. She was no longer defeated or exhausted.

 If she didn’t have heels on, she would stand on her tippy toes and dance around. I thought how her feet must hurt- dancing upon her toes. Though, you could tell by the expression upon my mom’s face, that she was in another world when my dad held her.  She was transformed in those moments. She looked into his eyes, and she had this glorious glowing smile. She trusted in his hand in her lower back, he knew exactly how to move her around the room. He is his clunky work shoes and she barefoot. And never once looked down at her feet- never did she worry that he might step upon her toes.

To me, dancing was the ultimate way to show love. You hold one another openly, publicly letting the world see you. A couple moving in unison. One trusting in the other, the energy of love swirling around as you move together.

Why did the men stop dancing? Why did they become so shy? Why didn't I demand early on for my husband to dance with me? Questions for another blog.

But the truth of this writing is reality. It was rare that they danced. The thing my family did was sing. My parents loved to sing. My mother was trained as professional singer in college and was paid by churches to come and sing solo for special occasions. I learned by watching and by attending choir. My dad sang bass and he and mom would occasionally sing in the kitchen. Every now and again my mom would sing in the morning. Did your mom sing in the kitchen as she cooked? Do you?  

The lesson of love came from my grandma. I think my mom was so stressed with five kids- (shaking my head) that love was a blur for her. Though, I think my older siblings remember a kinder and gentler mom.

The fight part, is more like the anger part. I won’t drag the person I learned these emotions from through the mud. It serves no purpose.I will say what we ALL know children learn by watching. Simple. Sad and true. If your household is a crazy screaming- run away environment, then chances are your children are picking up on how to deal with you when they become teens.

The same is true for a nurturing and loving environment. If you are patient and kind, the children will learn by modeling your behavior. Though, all 2 and 3 year olds have meltdowns, their job is to test your limits. Our job as adults is to calmly and respectfully stay grounded in our response. To guide them with controlled measures. Whatever you are doing to cope with your stress, your children will be doing as adults.

As we all are turning the corner toward the harvesting season, with fall approaching, lets keep the main question of who taught us- in the forefront of our mind.
School is starting soon, this is a challenging time, the teachers are asking- is my job worth my life? Parents are asking is my sanity worth my children's life? Who taught you, who is teaching you, all these questions are worth asking.

Much love to you as you look toward your futures path. 
(Judith teaches art at Cedarwood Elementary, Mandeville, LA.)