With the new school year starting up and having to make sure all my ducks are in a row, I admit to having anxiety. I keep telling myself I will get done all that needs to get done. I need to check all the financial loans- make sure everything is being paid- make sure I budget my life down to a very exact amount.
I have learned at this middle age it takes a while for energy to settle. Everything NEW is a bit unsettled. For me, it takes gathering up energy before a new event happens, I can see myself gathering energy- as if harvesting from a field of golden wheat. I keep gathering and cutting and placing the energy into a reservoir. In real life it translates to sleeping more, or catching a cold.
My body, mind and spirit knows it will be in high gear next week, classes WILL begin and I will be fully present demanding much of myself. Putting my all into every class. THIS is no small event, returning to college at this age. THIS IS MY LIFE. I have left all that is familiar behind.I want validation at this stage in my life. I want to earn the A plus in every class. I am preparing mentally for working harder than I worked last year. I will practically be living at the school!
There is a imaginary warrior/priestess mask and robe that I slip into for that first day of class. This first year of school here in San Francisco has taught me much about myself- has revealed the "Art Priestess" in me. (grinning) She is filled with grace and serenity. She, knows how hard it is to create, prefect and refine art. And SHE is up for the challenge.
Art has given me wings. I am obsessed with wings an see myself having wings to fly into the safe nest of the sun, were I rest. I didn't always have wings, I ran along the surface of the earth, trudging through mud and swamps and stumbling over uneven ground.
I needed that time of falling. Again and again I fell and again and again I GOT UP. I kept looking to the sun, and to the sunsets and eventually I found myself sitting beside the beach. I had run out of land upon which I stumbled. I had come to the edge of me.
I will insert a conversation I had with my daughter, Margaret. I had asked her what she thought heaven was, and I will always remember her perspective on it. She felt when we died we went to the beach, to have a huge party with all of the loved ones we had ever known. We ate and danced and shared stories across a bon fire upon the beach. Then when all the stories have been told and the silence wraps around your like a warm hug it is time to go swimming.
The sun is shining and the water is a glorious rejuvenating swim. Swimming toward the horizon we continue until the sun starts setting and then we swim toward it. Then the arms become an automated movement and the golden sky slowly fades to purples and then the stars come out. We continue swimming. The muscles in our body become jelly. We swim and kick and breathe in a world where everything is black. The stars become the phosphorous particles and we are swimming in stars and the non gravitational water become the sky and we become one with everything.
When we die we go back to the great waters of nothing and everything. THIS is my daughter's magnificent perception of returning to God.
Thank you Margaret Parsons for your incredible "seeing" ability! (smiling hugs) I am blessed to have you as my daughter. I love the bones of you!! (grining)
We are all stumbling upon our path, and continue until we reach the waters edge. Then we swim and then we FLY!