Monday, November 25, 2013

To my children

I am writing this to my son and daughter- they are 22 and 20.  Part of the 21 day meditation is to write out things- you wish you had KNOWN when you were younger. Maybe you can write out things you wish you had known and share them some one special.

My children, I wish I had become "me" when I was your age. I wish I had accepted myself and loved myself as a whole person -standing confidently alone. Not wanting to be rescued.

I am just now accepting responsibility for me. It is a scary place- all alone! Just you making your dreams come true. But it isn't just you alone- You have me- right beside you- my helpful hand of energy warm against your lower back- pushing you forward when you are scared.

I realize now how totally complete and whole I am. It has taken a long long time to get to this point my sweet angels. My mom never did love her self. And bless her heart- she tried the best she could to be the best she could be. However- her lacking self esteem issues flowed over upon me. I never could be good enough. (laughing) Now...I can rest upon my journey- smile and know everything is absolutely the way it is suppose to be.

I have learned to not stick around negative people. Those negative people taught me lessons that I would not otherwise learn. However, that didn't mean I had to invite them into my heart- day in and day out... We do learn. Everything is a lesson- blessin!

I wish I had told myself to honor the work- at a younger age- I would slap it together and not pay attention to the details. NOW- Oh-lordy mercy- I am ALL ABOUT the details!

Find what you LOVE- and do it. Then you will be whistling and skipping down the road to your work!

Oh- LOVE is a 2 way street. YEP! Let others love you. You both pour your love into who and what you love...Let others pour it into you! Reciprocated Love IS GOOD! (Waving at Anita- thank you for teaching me this)

You are perfect! Yes- you are! You are whole!!! As we stand together- we each have a column of light shining upon us. That light is bright white blinding light. When you look up into it- you have to shield your eyes. THAT is your spirit! Bright and ALIVE! God cradles you in his arms. 
As we stand together- in a group hug- Your circle of light combines with mine- and we all become one huge blinding light of love!

USE your voice! If someone disrespects you- hurts you- SPEAK up. Tell them you will not tolerate it- and ask them to change their behavior. And if you have to- end the relationship.

Do not worry- just for the worries... It is a total waste of time worrying.

Do not be angry...another waste of emotion. If you must be angry- then let yourself have 17 seconds- then let it go…Do not dwell in negative angry thought.

Don’t move all over the place!!!- Set down roots into a community! Find a church and go sing!! Join a choir! Oh how I love Christmas carols!! I am soo looking forward to singing with y’all!

The biggest- one thing I wish I had known:
Treat people how you want to be treated. THEN I would still be with your dad. (sighing) I wish - I really wish I had loved myself better- that I could have loved your dad better.

I am sad that we went our separate ways. 17 seconds..that is all I will not let that sad thought linger.

I love you both sooo much! Mom

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