Changes...

Something happens in your life when you become “aware”. It is a knowing so deep, so profound, that you can not “un-know” it. The knowing is so bright that no matter how you wish to not know this truth, you can not shut your eyes to it.

It burns every one in the process with its brightness. Like a huge lightning strike that hangs about for a minute, instead of its normal second.

It burns every single thing away.

You and I stand stunned. Wondering what in Gods green earth happened. Love that once was is shattered. Love that might have been — ashes at your feet. 

There is nothing to do but work upon yourself.

Focus upon the energy that was given outward. Those ties are burnt. No longer do they drain from you. The only person you need work on—is you. So you accept the task at hand. For there is no other task to do. No other person to wrap around.  You tuck your chin down against your chest and you accept the task of pushing your own wheel up that mountain of self love.

Oh Dear God, that mountain. If it has been said once, it has been said a million f-ing times. One has to love oneself, before one can love another. (sighing) Dear God. THAT— is my task at hand. What in the world is wrong with me? Loving others, even though I suck at it, is still easier than loving myself.

It takes a while. However, after 3 weeks or so, you realize all that energy you were placing outside of yourself, is actually good to use toward yourself. All the static of that other person, how needy or wanting of your energy, has left you with a clearer focus on just who and what you are.

The introvert, sighs and curls into a ball. Accepting of change, accepting the person I have become. Accepting the process of who I am becoming.

The extrovert part of me, is toying with the idea of joining different interest groups. Flying has always interested me. Flying alone is okay.